Why We’re Lost
Children’s behaviour can be confusing.
A child can manage something perfectly one day and fall apart doing the same thing the next.
They can hold it together at school and explode at home.
They can know exactly what they are supposed to do and still seem completely unable to do it when it matters.
We tend to start with the behaviour.
Why We’re Lost starts underneath it.
Behaviour is the output
When a child refuses, explodes, shuts down, avoids, hits, argues or seems to lose skills they definitely have, the behaviour tells us that something happened.
It does not necessarily tell us why.
Two children can show exactly the same behaviour for completely different reasons.
One may not yet have the skill being asked of them.
Another may have the skill but struggle to access it when the load gets too high.
Another may have learned that the behaviour is an effective way to escape a difficult situation.
If we only try to stop what we can see, we risk solving the wrong problem.
That is the central idea behind Why We’re Lost:
Behaviour is the output. Understand the system behind it.
I’m Dr Jamie Schwass
I’m a chiropractor and clinician working with children and families, with a particular focus on neurodevelopment, behaviour and nervous-system function.
Years of working with children whose behaviour often does not fit simple explanations has made me increasingly interested in one question:
What is happening underneath what we can see?
Why can a child do something on Tuesday but apparently not on Wednesday?
Why can they cope at school and collapse the moment they get home?
Why do some children seem to lose access to language, emotional control or problem-solving when they become overwhelmed?
Why do strategies that make perfect sense sometimes fail completely?
Why We’re Lost is where I explore those questions.
Not by pretending there is one explanation for every child, but by looking more carefully at the systems that can influence behaviour: development, skill acquisition, sensory input, executive function, communication, stress, regulation, environment and nervous-system state.
What you’ll find here
Each week I’ll take one confusing aspect of children’s behaviour and go one layer deeper.
You’ll find articles about things like:
why the same demand can work one day and fail the next
meltdowns, aggression, shutdowns and avoidance
school struggles and after-school collapse
ADHD, autism, and neurodivergent development
sensory and body-based influences on behaviour
emotional awareness and regulation
executive function and skill development
the difference between knowing what to do and being able to do it in the moment
what parents can become curious about before assuming a child is simply being difficult
The goal is not to give you another endless list of parenting tips.
It is to help your child make more sense.
A different way of thinking about behaviour
Over time, I’ll introduce some of the frameworks I use to think through difficult behaviour, including:
Behaviour Is the Output
Inputs → Skillset → Regulation
Won’t / Can’t / Can’t Right Now
Fallback
Capacity Before Compliance
These are not diagnoses.
They are ways of asking better questions.
And where I discuss research, clinical observations or developing ideas, I’ll be clear about the difference between what evidence establishes, what it suggests, and where I am offering my own interpretation.
Children are complicated.
Our explanations should be allowed to be nuanced too.
Why subscribe?
Subscribe free and every new Why We’re Lost article will be sent directly to your inbox.
You’ll also have access to the publication archives, so if you discover Why We’re Lost six months from now, you can work backwards through the ideas that matter most to your family.
As the publication grows, members will also be able to go deeper through practical Behaviour Breakdowns, case-based teaching, live discussions and resources designed to help turn these ideas into something useful in real family life.
But the most important ideas will continue to be shared openly.
Because the first job of Why We’re Lost is to change the way we understand children.
Start with curiosity
Understanding behaviour does not mean removing expectations.
It does not mean there are no boundaries.
And it does not mean every difficult behaviour has a hidden neurological explanation.
It means we do not end the investigation at:
“They know better.”
Instead, we ask:
What changed?
What did this situation require of them?
What might be happening underneath what I can see?
Those questions do not always give us an immediate answer.
But they give us a much better place to start.
Behaviour is the output.
Understand the system behind it.
Dr Jamie Schwass
